Why I Stopped Teaching and Why I'm Back

Well, it’s been a bit. Like over a year a bit. But I needed some time to process things and apparently a pandemic to help me realize what truly lights me on fire.

Back in 2018 I wasn’t even sure I was going to make it through yoga teacher training after finding out I was pregnant halfway through. But I did! And the super overachiever-I-can-do-all-the-things in me told myself to audition to teach while VERY pregnant. Yep—I’m really smart sometimes. So I did. And guess what? I was offered an amazing opportunity to teach.

Doing my best to ignore the calendar, I taught my first class at 37 weeks pregnant but quickly had to put teaching on pause to, you know, have a baby. Fast forward to a mere 6-weeks postpartum and there I was, pushing myself to go back well before I was ready. I mean, I wasn’t sleeping, I was terrified to leave my baby for five minutes let alone two-plus hours, was engorged (ouch) and whacked out of my mind. And, you know, still recovering from a c-section.

But the “I don’t quit” part of me kept at it—until I had a full on panic attack the week before I was supposed to go back to my full time job and I realized there’s no way in hell I could manage it all. So I broke. For the first time I walked away from something that I wanted so badly but I knew the timing wasn’t right. I told myself, someday, but not right now. And I accepted it. Mostly.

And guess what? That was the smartest decision I could have ever made. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I had really bad postpartum anxiety. And pushing myself to try to teach yoga so soon really didn’t help me feel less anxious. At all. So I took a year off. And while I have missed it every single day, getting on my own mat, healing and getting back to myself—or my new self—slowly was what I needed.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago when I felt completely helpless with everything that was going on in the world. Not knowing what the hell to do or how I could help beyond donating money and buying local, I had this overwhelming desire to teach again. So I decided to offer up some short virtual yoga sessions to colleagues. While only a few people took me up on it, getting back on my mat and teaching felt like magic. The “yes, yes, yes, YES THIS!” kind of magic. It helped me more than I realized to connect, share and help others in this way. Sure, I’m rusty and need to work on my sequencing but damn it feels good to be back. And my playlists are still bomb so … at least there’s that.

So I decided to go all in and offer up free virtual yoga sessions every Saturday at 11 AM CST until this thing is over. If you’re in need of some healing, connection, grounding, and good vibes during this crazy time, please feel free to join us on your mats. All you need to do is sign up and bring your mat and positive energy. I’m so pumped to be back. See you soon!